I have been working a lot. Working out a lot. Went on a date with a boy. Met another boy over the weekend. Waiting for a text or a call.
Something has been feeling off. My stress levels are high, I don’t feel at ease and I can’t place what it’s from. I’m thinking maybe work and job hunting. Because my work is closing for refurbishment soon, I need to find a new job, and I don’t want to move on to another hospitality/retail job. I want to start my career but I’m having very little luck so far. And work ethic/care is low at work. Most have become quite lazy, wasting time and mucking around. I am still giving my best, and I find it difficult to work alongside people who I value as friends, but aren’t putting any effort into their job. And there is nothing I can do about it. I guess I’m experiencing a sense of powerlessness in my life at the moment. I’ll find another barista job very easily, but I don’t want to keep doing that.
In a month or so, I’ll be changing my hair colour. Redder. Warm for winter.
I’ve been cooking more. I feel better and have better workouts when I put good fuel in my body. I’ve lost centimetres off everywhere. Gaining muscle, so my weight is at the higher end of its normal variations, which can be difficult to wrap my head around. I’ve always had these numbers in my head of what is acceptable for my body, if I am 50kg or under I am skinny and that is good, and over 50kg is bad. And I’m about 53kg now. but my measurements are probably closer to what I would have been at 48kg.
I will do a progress update of my 2012 goals every three months. So at the end of March I’ll do a recap of that.
Balance seems to be difficult to achieve lately. But all I can do is to keep trying, and keep doing things that enrich my life and my person and hopefully, things will settle down and I will have a greater sense of peace again.
Inspired by this post, here is mine.
Eff yeah list!
- Finished my thesis
- Moved house
- Got myself onto good meds (Pristiq)
- Learnt how to make good coffee and got employee of the month in November
- Survived the most devastating and unexpected breakup of my life
- Slowly discovering that being single doesn’t completely suck and isn’t all that bad
My word for 2012 is confidence. I want and need to be more confident and assured in all that I do. I need to be confident I am a good person and that I deserve happiness and to explore what makes me happy, and have the confidence to do so. I need to be confident in who I am and what I stand for, and figure out those things on my own, rather than as part of a couple. I want to be confident being on my own. I’ll be starting to look for a “real job” next year as I just graduated, and confidence is a big selling point in getting a job. No one will hire me if I don’t believe in myself.
- Make more friends
- Improve the relationships I have
- Be kind and open to people
- Reconnect with my cousins, aunts, uncles
- Maintain the good relationships I have with my mum and brother
- Become better friends with my brother’s girlfriend
- Cook at least four times a week
- Try at least two new recipes a month
- Go out to dinner at least once a month
- Go to the gym at least four times a week
- See a personal trainer every fortnight
- Run the Bridge to Brisbane next year (the WHOLE thing)
- Join back up and go every week
- Improve my flexibility -do the splits by the end of 2012
- Have fun!
Try new things
- Do things that make me uncomfortable and step out of my comfort zone more often. E.g. trying new classes
- Learn to curl my hair and do makeup with brushes
- Speak up, look silly, not be so bothered by what other people think
- Keep learning crochet, make a blanket for winter and make at least six amigurumi by the end of 2012
- Save up for and do a cake decorating class
- Blog at least once a week
- Get involved in volunteering for a psychology related organisation
- Apply for career related jobs – even ones I have no chance of getting
- Join the APS
- Make and keep a budget of where all my money goes. Do monthly reviews of what it’s all been spent on
- Learn to manage my time more effectively
- Save money to go travelling next summer
I finished my thesis and honours.
I have been working a lot. I have learnt so much in the last month or so. I can make good coffee.
I moved house, on my own.
I joined the gym. I’ve been going to group classes. Doing weights and going on the treadmill.
Started to learn how to crochet. Slowly learning how to make amigurumi.
Switched off Dopthep and went on Pristiq. It has saved my life. I ran out and didn’t have it for two days, and all this week at work my boss and coworkers have noticed the difference they’ve made in me, and that it has taken all week for me to bounce back.
I have been trying new things. New food, new clothes, new attitude. I am doing things that scare me, I am trying to put myself out there, I am trying to make new friends.
Trying to take care of myself. Trying to be kind to myself. Planning all the things I want to do. I found a place to join for pole again next year. I want to take a cake decorating class. I want to get fit and strong and run a short marathon next year. I want to be healthy and I want to be happy, and I am exploring and learning what I want and what fulfils me.
I’m finding my courage and bravery and confidence, and I am trying to remind myself of all my recent achievements. I am a good person and I can do good things and I am capable, and it is okay to feel bad sometimes, just let it pass. Mistakes are oka, just learn from it and try not to do the same thing again. Learning to be kind to yourself is one of the hardest things you can do, because it’s when you feel the worst about yourself you need to be nice.
I am trying and I am doing and I will get there and everything is okay, and it will be good.